It’s February, and CVS has had Valentine’s Day candy and cards on display since the end of last year! As parents, we all want our children to feel loved but that doesn’t mean stocking up on those little conversations heart candy is needed. Just like adults, children have their own ways of receiving and giving love. This is where the concept of love languages comes in. Introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, this is the idea is that each person has a primary way they feel most loved and connected to others. While Chapman’s book was originally aimed at couples, the concept can also be incredibly helpful in understanding and nurturing relationships with your young child.
For parents of preschool-aged children, discovering your child’s love language is a powerful tool in building a deep, trusting relationship. In this blog, we’ll explore the five main love languages and how to apply them with your preschooler.
1. Words of Affirmation: Encouraging Through Words
Children who resonate with Words of Affirmation thrive on verbal expressions of love and encouragement. Saying things like “Wow! You are working so hard on that!!” or “I love you so much!” help them feel loved and validated. For preschoolers, who are still learning about themselves and their abilities, these words can boost their confidence and sense of worth.
How to speak this love language:
- Be specific with your praise: Instead of just saying “Good job,” try something like, “I love how you took the time to clean up your toys. That was so responsible.”
- Share positive affirmations every day, not just when they do something right, but also to remind them of their inherent worth: “You are so special to me.”
2. Acts of Service: Love in Action
For some children, actions speak louder than words. If your child responds best to Acts of Service, they feel loved when others do things for them, even small tasks. Whether it’s helping them feel snug as a bug in a rug at bedtime, making their favorite snack, or reading books together, these acts show them that you care and are there to support them.
How to speak this love language:
- Offer help with their daily routines in a gentle and supportive way, like laying out a few options for them to choose their clothes for the next day or having an extra outfit in your bag in case the one they are wearing gets wet or ruined while you are out and about.
- Pay attention to your child’s favorite foods, and prepare them when you can or have their favorite healthy snacks always in stock (even though we had to refinance our home to afford my child’s love of berries… just kidding…).
3. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful Gestures of Love
Receiving Gifts doesn’t mean materialism. It’s about showing love through thoughtful presents, big or small. Children who favor this love language find joy in receiving tangible symbols of affection. These gifts don’t need to be expensive or extravagant. The idea is that each gift, whether it’s a small toy, a handwritten card, or a favorite snack, is a tangible reminder that they are loved.
How to speak this love language:
- Surprise your child with small, meaningful gifts that show you were thinking of them, such as their favorite character stickers or a cozy blanket.
- Encourage creative play by gifting them items that allow for imaginative fun, like building blocks or a box of crayons.
4. Quality Time: The Gift of Attention
If your child’s love language is Quality Time, they feel most loved when they have your full attention. Preschoolers with this love language crave moments where they are the focus of your time and energy. This means putting away distractions (like your phone) and spending uninterrupted time together, whether it’s playing, reading, or simply talking.
How to speak this love language:
- Set aside time each day to do something special with your child, like reading a story or playing a game of pretend, research shows even 15 minutes makes a huge difference!
- Be fully present during these moments, engaging with them and showing interest in what they are doing or saying. Let me shout it from the mountaintop…and I say this with love…put your phone away.
5. Physical Touch: Comfort and Connection
Children who lean toward Physical Touch feel most loved through physical affection. This can include hugs, kisses, holding hands, or even cuddling while watching a movie. For them, physical closeness fosters a sense of security and warmth.
How to speak this love language:
- Offer frequent hugs, kisses, and cuddles. These small physical gestures help reinforce your love.
- Hold their hand when walking, give them a reassuring pat on the back, or offer a gentle touch when they need comfort.
How to Identify Your Child’s Love Language
It may take some time to figure out which love language resonates most with your child, but there are some signs that can point you in the right direction. Here are a few things to observe:
- Do they seek verbal affirmation? If your child often says they love you and light up when you acknowledge something positive they did, words of affirmation may be their primary love language..
- Are they constantly asking for help? Preschoolers who show a preference for help with tasks, like dressing or eating, may connect most with acts of service.
- Do they love receiving small gifts? If your child gets excited about receiving small tokens of love, they may feel loved through gifts.
- Do they prefer activities over things? If your child lights up when you spend one-on-one time together, they likely value quality time.
- Are they sensitive to touch? If your child often seeks hugs or snuggles, or feels comforted by physical touch, then physical affection may be their main love language
Here is a fun quiz to learn more about your child’s love language, and yours too!